It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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