i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
then he tried to convert me to islam
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
