thus making me awesome and them whores
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
