He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
