My brain says no but my pants say off.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
