forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
it was like eating out sand paper
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize