What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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