He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
