Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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