His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
