whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
