If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
