Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
