Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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