he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
