He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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