i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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