Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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