Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
