Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
