pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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