This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
