I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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