I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
