I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
