I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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