I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
