Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
