dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
