some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
