why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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