You're completely useless in the revolution.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
