he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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