dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
