Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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