community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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