Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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