At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
