Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
