Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
