i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
