i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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