Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize