sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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