"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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