Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
