He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
