I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
