it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
