the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
