I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
