I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
