im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize