He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
