he confused my yawn for an orgasm
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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