did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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