you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize