I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
