I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
