I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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