I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I looked at my own cervix.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
