My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
