Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
