She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
