I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
