This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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