I didn't shave. On purpose
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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